Tag: Courage

Time

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8 Time

8.1 My Story

“How long …”

I asked the question doctors dread to hear. How long will my wife live? I spoke those words to the physician when my mother had her kidney transplant. I repeated the words when my wife had Melanoma surgery and had thirty-four lymph nodes removed because the disease had spread into them. Yes, I also said those two words when I took my ninety-years old father to the emergency room and found out he had suffered a major heart attack.

With my spouse, I remember the oncologist giving the five-year survival rate odds which were very depressing. She emphasized enjoying the now. She strongly emphasized if cancer recurred it would be terminal.

Less than six months later the Melanoma returned. My wife lived another two years and two months after the recurrence. She survived nearly two years longer than what we were told to expect.

I worked hard to make each day she lived a positive experience. I also took her on a multi-week “bucket list” trip where we had quality time together.

The trip was challenging as I had to get a refrigerator for our car for her prescription chemotherapy medications. Daily, I also had to pack and unpack a bulky lymphedema therapy machine. She had to sit for an hour every day hooked to the machine to control swelling in her left arm, wrist, and hand.

My point is we made good use of the time available. I made sure she saw her sisters multiple times. I made sure our grown children were engaged in her life.

God was gracious and gave her 1001 days from the first surgery. He also gave me the patience and desire to serve her.

The hope we both had through Jesus Christ allowed us to face each day with hope.

8.2 Use the Time God Has Given You

Part of learning to care for a person with a chronic illness is learning to use the time God has given to us. The Bible teaches that God has the days of our lives numbered. Here are five examples:

  1. Job 14:5 King James Version (KJV), “Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass;”
  2. Job 21:21 (KJV), “For what does he care for his household after him, When the number of his months is cut off?
  3. Psalm 31:15 (KJV), “My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me.”
  4. Psalm 139:16 (KJV), “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.”
  5. Ecclesiastes 3:2 (KJV), “A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.”

8.3 Bible Verse

Psalm 39:4 (KJV), “Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is: that I may know how frail I am.”

8.4 What the Verse Means

The verse shares thoughts concerning the psalmist meditations on human life. He reflects on life’s brevity, life’s vanity, and life’s sorrows.

He wonders why life was so short. Why was it so vain? Why was it so full of pain?

8.5 Pray Using Scripture

  • Father in heaven, thank you for reminding me of how brief my time on earth will be. Help me to use the days I have to the fullest.
  • Lord Jesus, thank you for reminding me that my days are numbered. Help me to trust that you know what is best for me.
  • God, help me remember how fleeting my life is and to live my days to your honor and your glory.

8.6 Responding to God’s Hope

  1. 1. Are you helping your loved live their remaining days to the fullest? What can you do today to make today a good day for your loved one?
  2. 2. What can you do to encourage friends and family to engage with your chronically or terminally ill loved one?
  3. 3. Make sure you include rest in the management of your one’s time. What can you do today to make sure they take time to rest?

Photo Source: Pixabay

This blog post is from the forthcoming book, “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D.

To receive notification when “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D. is available and to get occasional updates on the writing of Jimmie Aaron Kepler please complete the “Email Sign-up”  ound in the far left column of the blog.

Laughter

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7 Laughter

7.1 My Story

First, there is nothing funny about a spouse having a chronic or terminal illness. There certainly isn’t anything funny about caring for a loved one and all the nuisances involved with the daily routine.

Over the years I had heard time and time again that opposites attract. My experience would agree with the statement. Many times I have been told I am the least spontaneous person alive.

Maybe my living my life structured like a German railroad schedule or the fact I grew up in a career military family and then was a US Army officer helped influence me in this arena. My wife enjoyed the structure of routine but also loved the unexpected blessings of life. Where I needed a to-do list and schedule for my day and had my day disrupted with change, she embraced the unexpected.

I also am a very stoic person. Again, being a military officer affected me in this area. I believe nearly twenty-years of full-time ministry also had me being the rock of stability in difficult situations. I was the steady influence, the calm in the storm for so many. It allowed me to officiate funerals of children, friends, coworkers, my parents, and my mother-in-law with a dignified seriousness that my wife sometimes hated and caused others to refer to me as a robot-man.

I remember the surgical oncologist kindly encouraging me to lighten up. She said my serious all the time attitude was contagious. My constant seriousness was gloomy and the wrong attitude for my wife to catch. 

The doctor added attitude is crucial when dealing with a chronic illness like my wife’s cancer. The cheerfulness of mind does good like a medicine for the body. Our attitude contributes to the restoration or preservation of bodily health and vigor.

Medical science tells us the red blood cells, most white blood cells, and platelets are produced in the bone marrow, the soft fatty tissue inside bone cavities. Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) teaches, “A poor spirit/attitude ‘drieth the bones’ which produce the needed cells.”

The doctor encouraged me to watch romantic comedies, funny situation comedies, and even some comedy specials with my wife. She said they would get us both laughing. It would help me to lighten my mood. It would help with my wife’s healing.

The medical doctor even questioned if my spirit was broken and if I was totally given over to my wife’s death to cancer. She said it was too early to give up hope. She said those with a more positive attitude live longer. Her little talk helped me recalibrate my thinking and adjust my attitude. Maybe that small change contributed to my spouse’s living almost two years longer than first anticipated. Only God knows if it did.

We can learn a lot if we read our Bible.

7.2 Learning to Laugh

Part of learning to care for a person with a chronic illness is learning to laugh.

7.3 Bible Verse

Proverbs 17:22 (KJV), “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”

7.4 What the Verse Means

Our attitude is crucial when dealing with a chronic illness. The cheerfulness of our mind does good like a medicine for the body. Our opinion contributes to the restoration or preservation of bodily health and vigor.

7.5 Pray Using Scripture

  • Lord Jesus, help me to enjoy the funny things that happen in life.
  • Heavenly Father help me to take life one day at a time.
  • God, help me and my family and friends to not dwell on the seriousness of the chronic illness, but rather help us to live life to the fullest as we know you hold the future.

7.6 Responding to God’s Hope

  1. How is your attitude? Do you need an attitude adjustment? If so, God can help. Ask Him.
  2. Are you remaining affirming and positive in the presence of the one you are charged to care for? Remember, your outlook and attitude are catching. I’m not talking about some false it’s going to be all better attitude but a realistic today is going to be a good day attitude — and I’m going to do my best to make it a good day approach instead of a gloom and doom outlook.
  3. What can you do to bring joy and laughter today? Is there a favorite movie or comedy series you could watch together?

Photo Source: Pixabay

This blog post is from the forthcoming book, “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D.

To receive notification when “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D. is available and to get occasional updates on the writing of Jimmie Aaron Kepler please complete the “Email Sign-up”found in the far left column of the blog.

Hearing

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6 Hearing

6.1 My Story

“I need your decision on starting radiation treatment. What have decided?” asked the surgical oncologist.

“Not today. I just can’t make a decision today,” said my wife.

It was apparent she was overwhelmed with everything.

“Any delay could be life-threatening at the worst and life-shortening at the best. You need to decide on when you want to start treatments,” pressed the oncologist.

My wife rolled her tired eyes. She was less than a month from the initial Melanoma cancer surgery and the removal of both the cancerous area and thirty-four lymph nodes. She had a swollen left arm, wrist, and hand. Lymphedema therapy had just started that week.

“Can you go over the treatment options for us one more time? We’ll then go home and have some time to meditate and pray on what she’ll do next. We understand the urgency for beginning treatment,” I said.

This time it was the young surgical oncologist who rolled her eyes. She nodded and dutifully repeated the options. She concluded with a “Let me know soon what you are or are not going to do. While selecting no treatment is an option, not having the radiation greatly increases the chances of recurrence. If it recurs,” she added with a strong emphasis, “it will be terminal. There will be no treatment or cure. You will die.”

“Thank you. We’ll let you know in a few days,” I said. On the inside, I was mad at how she had restated the obvious — “If it recurs, it will be terminal. There will be no treatment or cure. You will die.”

On the hour drive home my wife slept. She was tired and weary. Over the next few days, we prayed, read Scripture, and then she said, “Call the doctor and find out who I need to contact to schedule the radiation.”

I received the contact information. My wife called and set up an appointment. I was amazed at God’s timing. The radiation doctor had a cancelation and they were able to get her in that very afternoon. If we had rushed and said yes to treatment four days earlier, she wouldn’t have been seen for nearly two weeks. Praying and seeking God’s guidance allowed treatment to begin almost immediately.

I firmly believe seeking God in her decisions is one reason why she lived over two-years longer than the initial projections.

It’s another example of my wife’s Godly wisdom and God’s faithfulness.

6.2 Hearing God’s Voice

Part of learning to care for a person with a chronic or terminal illness is listening until we hear God’s voice.

When we face a constant disease too often, we rush in and try to accomplish everything in our own power. We manage this. We plan that. We listen to this aunt or to a trusted friend. We may hear conflicting recommendations from our healing team, that is the doctors, ministers, social workers, counselors, and other caregivers.

While wise counsel is right, we need to seek God and listen to his voice. We do this through prayer, Bible reading, and listening to sermons. We need to encourage our loved one to do the same.

Sometimes we are in such a rush to get to a solution or get things under control that we miss hearing from The Great Physician. We need to remember the words of Psalm 46:10 (KJV), “Be still, and know that I am God:”

Sometimes we just need to sit and be still before we can hear God.

6.3 Bible Verse

Psalm 143:8 (KJV) “Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.”

6.4 What the Verse Means

As we face trials and hardships, we can find ourselves overwhelmed. When we become inundated by fear, grief, depression, and self-pity, it becomes hard to hear God.

Today’s verse reminds us to spend time with God, to begin our day with God. As Christians, we can trust God. We can ask him to both guide us and to lift us up. We need to stop, that is too slow down and take time for God. We need to at his Word, that is to read the Bible. We need to listen, that his to hear sermons, hymns, and listen to his still small voice answering our prayers.

6.5 Pray Using Scripture

  • Heavenly Father draw me to you in the morning where I can hear your righteousness.
  • Lord Jesus, I place my trust in you. Help me to always put all my faith in you.
  • I ask your Holy Spirit to speak to my spirit and to guide me in the way I should walk.
  • I pray you would lift my soul unto you.
  • I pray for myself, my spouse, our children, and grandchildren to be drawn to you, to experience you and choose to attend worship services where we can hear your word preached.

6.6 Responding to God’s Hope

Are you including God in your decision-making process? James 1:5 (KJV) reminds us, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

Are you listening for Gods still small voice?

Are you slowing down and waiting on God?

Photo Source: Pixabay

This blog post is from the forthcoming book, “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D.

To receive notification when “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D. is available and to get occasional updates on the writing of Jimmie Aaron Kepler please complete the “Email Sign-up” found in the far left column of the blog.

God’s Deliverance

Posted in Blog, Caregiver, Caregiving, Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Jimmie Kepler2 Comments

5 Deliverance

5.1 My Story

My wife’s left arm had started swelling up. The wrist and hand also were puffed up and getting noticeably larger day by day. A surgical oncologist was called. An appointment was made with the managing oncologist.

When I returned from work, my wife greeted with the news. She said, “I have lymphedema.”

“They removed thirty-four of your lymph nodes last June when you had your Melanoma surgery. The lymph node removal and lymphoma seem like they might be related. Am I right?” I queried.

“Don’t look so smug. You don’t know everything,” Miss Benita replied playfully.

“It looks and sounds serious.”

“It is.” She went on to explain to me that lymphedema is a condition of localized fluid retention and tissue swelling caused by a compromised lymphatic system. In her case, the cause was complications from her cancer surgery.

“Can they treat it? What are they going to do?”

“I have an appointment with a lymphedema therapist later this week.”

She saw the lymphedema therapist. She was treated in the therapist’s office daily for two weeks, and then a machine lymphedema therapy machine was delivered to our home. For the next twenty-eight months she would attach herself to the device for an hour a day to reduce the swelling in the arm.

And no, she didn’t have to do the therapy the remainder of her life. Five months before her death the brain tumor she developed had an unexpected positive side effect. A combination of massive amounts of steroids taken to reduce swelling in the brain also reduced swelling in the arm.

The lymphedema was just the first of six addition afflictions my sweet wife experienced following her initial surgery.

Somehow, she maintained a Godly, optimistic attitude through it all. I can testify the Lord Jesus delivered her out of it all.

As her caregiver, I helped her stay on schedule, encouraged her, and picked up some of her former household responsibilities where she could go to the treatments with feeling guilty.

5.2 Deliverance for the Believer is in Jesus Christ

Part of learning to care for a person with a chronic illness understands God’s deliverance for the Believer in Jesus Christ. The Bible does not flatter us with the false hope that goodness will secure us from trouble. Instead, the Bible warns us over and over to expect tribulation while we are in this body.

Our afflictions come from all directions and at any time. The challenges are many, but with Jesus Christ, we can face each day.

There is no promise the challenges, problems, illness, or disease will go away in this lifetime. However, the Lord will guide us through or lift us out of them.

5.3 Bible Verse

Psalm 34:19, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”

5.4 What the Verse Means

We either have faced, are confronting, or will experience afflictions and trials. Facing adversity is an unchangeable fact.

There is good news. God’s mercies are more numerous than the afflictions and trials. God’s wisdom more wondrous than the sufferings and trials. God’s power is more miraculous than the hardships and trials. God will give us the grace we need to face them, and God will deliver us.

5.5 Pray Using Scripture

  • Heavenly Father, I know the afflictions of the righteous are many.
  • Lord Jesus, I find some comfort in knowing hardships and trials are the norms.
  • I confess I don’t like the hardships and trials but trust in you.
  • God our Father, I give you thanks for the promise of deliverance.

5.6 Responding to God’s Hope

  1. What new challenges is your loved one facing?
  2. How can you help them as they navigate the new challenges?
  3. Have you asked God for the grace you need for the challenges? Give God the glory for meeting your needs when he provides the needed grace. Acknowledge his presence and activity in your loved one and your lives.

Photo Source: Pixabay

This blog post is from the forthcoming book, “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D.

To receive notification when “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D. is available and to get occasional updates on the writing of Jimmie Aaron Kepler please complete the “Email Sign-up”found in the far left column of the blog.

How to be Strong and Courageous in the Lord

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2 How to be Strong and Courageous in the Lord

2. 1 My Story

One of the first thoughts I had when my wife received the diagnosis that she had stage three Melanoma was how am I going to care for her and love her unconditionally until she dies.

I knew the Melanoma was going to kill her unless God intervened. I wondered if she would follow the doctor’s orders. Would my wife let me help her? How would she react? Could I handle being her caregiver?

In time all the questions were answered. The solutions didn’t happen in one day. There was some give and take. My spouse had to have a heart to heart with me along the way which included telling me to back off and give her some space as I was smothering her with kindness and care.

She didn’t need me reacting as if every little event she encountered was a life or death situation. I learned what she needed was me to be there. She desired my calm, steady presence.

A simple example is when I had a ball game on, and she came into the room I would change channels on the television to her favorite HGTV program. I stayed in the room with her instead of going to the bedroom and continuing the ballgame. If I were cleaning or doing other housework, I would stop, give her my attention and be with her.

In her last days of hospice care, she told me how much my just being there meant to her. She said I could get the house spotless after she was in heaven, but until then she needed the ministry of my presence. She needed me to be strong and courageous as I spent time with her.

2.2 How to Be Strong and Courageous in the Lord

Part of learning to care for a person with a chronic illness understands how to be strong and courageous in the Lord.

Facing caring for a person with a chronic or terminal illness is a scary daily challenge for both the person with the disease, their family and you as the caregiver. Through Jesus Christ, we can be strong and courageous.

How can we do this?

We cannot do this in our strength. Daily the Lord Jesus our God goes with the Christian. We need to remember he goes with us. We need the Lord to strengthen us.

Today’s Scripture tells us the Lord will not leave or forsake the Believer in Jesus Christ.

2.3 Bible Verse

Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV), “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

2.4 What the Verse Means

Because Christians have God with them, they should be of good courage. The courage comes from their confident assurance in God which faith gives. This sure faith in Christ allows us to face each day bravely knowing through him we shall have the ultimate victory.

2.5 Pray Using Scripture

  • Heavenly Father, please help me and my family to continue to be strong and courageous in the face this illness.
  • Holy Spirit, I ask for your comfort. Help me to not fear or be in dread of the challenges I face as a caregiver. Help me not to grow weary.
  • Thank you for letting me know it is the Lord our God who goes with me and that he will not leave me or forsake me.
  • I pray my family and loved ones’ would confess faith in Jesus Christ where they too can experience the comfort available to Christians.

2.6 Responding to God’s Hope

  1. What are two areas that you are fearful of failing in as you care for your loved one? Name them.
  2. Take the two items you identified in question one. Admit your fears to God. Ask God for the faith you need to face fear courageously.
  3. Realize that God has entrusted you already with your loved one’s care. He’s put them under your supervision; God will equip you for the daily challenges you face. Thank God for the confidence He has placed in you, and for the way, He helps you daily as you care for your loved one.

Photo Source: Pixabay

This blog post is from the forthcoming book, “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D.

To receive notification when “Caregiving: Biblical Insights from a Caregiver’s Journey” by Jimmie Aaron Kepler, Ed.D. is available and to get occasional updates on the writing of Jimmie Aaron Kepler please complete the “Email Sign-up” found in the far left column of the blog.